ODE TO MISHA

I followed your blue foot prints

Counting each one through the dim alley ways

I’d say fate played a game but then again I was just a fool.

I saw you in that little army of a hundred

Not knowing I was to join you soon,

Twenty hours with machines, corrupted fare

No time to dream, no one would care.

I told you my daddy will soon come fetch me

You told me to give up hope, for my daddy would have forgotten me.

You were right and yet again I was just a fool.

Still a man did come he said he would save me,

You introduced me to the truth, being someone’s slave wasn’t salvation.

Your one rupee got me a ticket out of hell

But it made you rot there for how long I could never tell,

You said you will come find me, I said under the purple tree I shall wait each day.

You promised you won’t repeat my daddy’s mistakes

That one day in the city we shall live where a thousand lights, would be ours for takes.

I walked into the thousand lights, baffled, young and alone,

I waited for the city to take care of me

It soon taught me happy endings were far away.

A man came again, soon another, then another and so on

No one brought love, just a purpose

I fulfilled hence I lived.

I did not let life pull my hope away, but then again I was just a fool

I waited each day I knew fate would have its way

I knew you would get out

I knew after all we went through

Happiness waited for us.

Sixteen years had gone by since we were nine

Keeping a grip on unfulfilled promises was getting hard,

I waited under the purple tree for you one last time

What I saw, I believed to be untrue

But then I always did trust you would come.

I was making my way, to come embrace

But the wide eyed girl held your hand and pulled you away

I had not known a pain so vile.

I told myself it was time to forget, you were no longer to play my safety net.

It took ten more years for life to finally let us meet

I saw the wide eyed girl still held your arm

The only difference was someone held mine too.

You told you saw me that day, chased me while I ran away

You confessed the girl holding your arm was not your wife then

That had I not been afraid, we would have been together again.

I did not know weather to laugh or cry

Fate, her games, she loved dearly we both realized,

In a twisted life of knowing only misery

My only solace was you

Your only solace was I.

I had heard people say we are broken to reach something better

We struggle today coz we know tomorrow would be brighter

But fate put us through all this without a reason,

Our prayers she completely dismissed.

Was our life not worth a second chance?

Were our tears not worthy of fates glance? 

And then we our taught to have faith

But where did faith leave us but broken, bitter and apart?

The Fence

The songs that once left me confused and dazed
Make me sad now and leave me ablaze
They lead me to ponder,
Is it of her they make you wonder?
Will I be haunted by an alphabet every day?
Will her very initials drive me insane?
I feel an eruption of mammoth aversion
When you back track and smack
She pops up like the clown in my music box, psycho jack on crack.
Will I have to sacrifice the colour I like?
Because it was one of the colours she liked, and her I despise.
Will I have to omit, all emotions and guilt?
Because stabbing in sleep seems like my recent pleasure trip.
Can I no longer utter the names of the streets where she fluttered?
Will I have to converse in terms of longitudinal grid
So you don’t recall the address of the last house she lived.
Will my future travels be all only by foot?
Because the most efficient mode, along with my favourite colour she took.
Will she eat up our present like she ate up your past?
I wish indigestion upon her, maybe this momentary inconvenience
Would give us time to run fast, run past her, across that giant, that giant whom I call the fence.
The world advices I take three steps back and chill
But I worry my regression and stagnation
She would consider an open invitation.
To pounce back and drag, drag you to hell
I hope the bells in your head ring sounds of wisdom
Because the present with me seems mighty swell
And reverting now I say would be rather dumb.
She can use six different portals of communication
To get in touch with you
She will hope you will stick to her, like the old times, like super glue.
She will entice as if she were Lucifer’s wife
With gifts galore, promises and more
She is the constant ringing in a lunatic’s brain
A reverberation that is turning into a pain.
You said she left scars, scars too deep
Time heals it all, that’s what I believe
You need to have faith, just take my hand and leap.
I am in it for the long haul, this time I wont let you weep.

Away

Ever changing days and never changing nights
Haunting nights that bring me the same dream,
Where the past ends and the unknown begins
In the blue miasma I seem to be in.
I am afraid to move forward
Towards the bright light that beckons
I still feel hinged to the memories I helped create
I still feel buried six feet under the earth.
I try to move around you
Through kisses in the air, whispers in creeks,
Love in the rain, caresses in the sun rays
I want to hold on but I just fall thru.
Each night I wish sleep wouldn’t come calling
Each night I wish I wasn’t presented the encore
But it would never stop, the dreams reminded me
My soul lived in my body no more.
The man with the greedy eyes
Had dragged the last breath out of me
Two months ago
The man with an unlikely urge
Had scattered my bones
Where it could never show.
In the in-between I still remained entrapped
Merging the two worlds I had come to know
Every now and then
I would find my way towards the light again
But I am free, only almost.
Liberation seems a catch away
For me to enter the kingdom
I need to let go of the world I once belonged to
I need to move on and let it do the same
I can not contain my soul in the horizon.
To where the ocean and the sun merge
I must bid goodbye
For the land of a thousand angles await
Across the ivory river
Far away, where no memory exist.

Magic man

Magic man she cried out
She wondered if he could help her
Was there a rope of luck she could hang on to?
Cause the laws of survival were becoming hard to beat.
Magic man she cried
Your vanishing acts aren’t amusing anymore
Are there spells you could chant?
To transport her to the utopian land
Could you grant her wishes?
Like the jinn she read in stories about
Could you fill her palms with silver coins now?
Magic man she wept
She needed miracles to help her get through life
The roof over her head she could afford no more
Her husband brought home not enough bread to feed
Her job she lost eight months ago
Opportunities to start over seem bleaker as the days go
She has a child she loves more than her soul
She wants to give her a life better than she had for her own
She had spent her childhood fatherless and alone
Starving and fearful in the care of preachers of god
She made it through all the struggles and tribulations
She thought that was the end of heartaches
But seems like everywhere she turns
Misery follows.
Magic man she bawled
She needed an act of compassion
She was ready to fight the demons that stood in the way
She just needed you to stand beside her
Could you sprinkle fairy dust?
And turn this all into a dream
Could she not stand on the streets tomorrow?
While her child hides behind her
And her husband too proud to beg cries silently in the corner
Could you wave your magic wand?
And save a family from being wrecked
Is there a potion she could drink?
And change the future
Is there anyway you could help her?
Each minute is turning into a brutal torture
Magic man oh magic man
She is running out of tears
She is loosing her voice
Magic man oh magic man
Could you help her just this one time?

In this life

The scars on your palms
Merge perfectly with mine
Embodying the past, the journey till now
You liked to see life running out of you
It assured you of your existence
I preferred to cease it
It assured me of my liberation
Somewhere between my secrets and your acceptance
Between my unsettled pain, and your pinned in despair
Between our search for a better life
We found each other.
To overcome, conquer, defeat and win
Were acts we seemed to powerless to perform
The past seemed to have caged us in an unbreakable spell
In each other we found the strength


In each other we found the reason to move on
He killed himself you told me once
The man who would have walked you down the aisle to me
She went crazy you said
The one who should have taken care of you
She made you cut yourself
In between our kiss I withdrew and cried
I trembled as thoughts of him flashed through my mind
He told me to always keep it a secret
The nights he barged into my room
The nights that seemed like a lifetime
He was the one who was suppose to protect me
He made me run away, he made me take my life away.
Hopeless, hateful and hardened
We embarked on an unknown path
The end of which brought me peace
It brought us together.
I never knew all I needed was one person
That’s just what we all need, one person
To hear, comfort and feel
To touch, see and shield
To help, nurture and heal
The amalgamation of our struggles
Binds us in heart, body and soul
Waging through destruction
In each others arms
We are saved.

Damien

The imprint of your lips now I own
I stole the glass you sealed it on
Strands of your locks am itching for
This hunger can not be suppressed anymore
Your image conjures up
Dark sensations in my soul
My mind can not resist the thought
Of you in all your scarlet glory
I can not seem to control the monster you make of me
This Tuesday is the night that it shall be

The air still holds your fragrance
But my ears hear your screams
Is it strange that I do not want the screaming to stop?
Or is it strange that your blood still stains the ground
I can still feel you slither in my palms
It took me over an hour to tape you down
Did it hurt when I rode you real hard, made you spread for hours?
Did you not want to part away from the hair on your head?
You kept moving so much when I tried to burn it all away
Why did you not smile even once for me?
I etched your body with my name, with my knife
Did it hurt when the silver ripped through your skin?
I can not let go, you are my victory
With me forever you shall be
But in flesh just fleshes not form.

I smile looking at you
Preserved for me till eternity
Held together in my old wooden trunk
Little little pieces of you.
Crick crick circk
Sitting in my rocking chair
My basement ablaze with the familiar voices
My soul awakened my the same old itch
But you were suppose to bring an end to this
You were the cure bitch
You were the answer the one who would quench the thirst
I can not seem to control this being
The man that dwells in me
I need to nurture him
I need to succumb to myself
Tick tick tick
Its time to unleash the monster within
That Tuesday night did not end it
It was just the beginning.