But the thunder kept striking
Keeping me awake
Who was I to run for cover?
My safety net was far away.
Fearful and all alone
I perched my body against the forth pillar in the temple corridor
I reminded my self of the promise that father made
I needed to guard the temple through the night and keep the thief’s at bay
Then he said he would come fetch me at the break of day.
Father did come as soon dawn showed her face
His temple work often kept him away.
We rode back home to our family of eight
Six sibling’s mother, father and I included.
That day was rather gloomy and grim
Unlike all the sunny days that marched consistently into the village’s way,
I felt uneasy and glum
It seemed unfair to feel happy
On a day that seemed so dark and grey.
Father said he wanted all of us together that day
He sat next to me and asked me what I wanted to be?
And as he stirred honey into my milk
I saw him fall and the rhythm of his heart became still.
Uproar of cries jolted my inertia
And as everyone ran from room to room
From my eyes tears started to loom
In the chaos that surrounded my body
My mind seemed unaffected and silent.
The neighbours broke out howling into the streets
At news of the death of their temple’s priest
Mother knew not how to function anymore
She had no job no money no home
But seven mouths to feed nurture and grow.
There were decisions to be made
And habits to wash off
Helping hands were none just more shut doors than open ones,
Elder sister had to jump into action
Change our life’s for the better now was the initial caption,
But how and when we lost our way
I seemed too young to point out and say.
I was handed over to the preachers of god
Mother said this was the best she could do for now
I lived there with a hundred others, some abandoned like me without their choice
Some rescued from plights unaware of a thing called life.
I cried each day till months went by
Women in white robes tried to calm my fears
All I wanted was my mothers lap and my sibling’s cheer
I wrote each night, long letters back home
I hated the uncooked rice and watery curry
Everything smelled of rotten fish and I was sick with fury,
No one cared how I was or what I did
I did not eat for days and turned as thin as a stick.
Summer arrived and no one came to fetch me
I remained with the nuns and they asked me to carry bricks
To help build their new nursery
I wrote to you that my head hurts
And no one bothers to say a kind word.
Vacations have ended and everyone is back
They got sweets and biscuits and toys and clothes
But no one seemed keen to share
I went and cried in the closet again
Mother Sister Brother some one just come and show me your face.
Each part of my body itches
They have locked me in a room alone
I can not be near another soul,
They say am contagious I have blisters all over my body
From head to toe.
They slide milk and bread through the door treating me like a person in prison
The only ray of hope came in the form of my mathematics teacher
Mrs usha carrippa who loved me without any reason.
She gave me food and healed my blisters
Got me medicines and spoke with me about my brothers and sisters
She cared for me like you would have
Her smile reminded me of father’s
She had the same warmth in her eyes.
One day she helped me get to you
She brought me train tickets so that I could visit you
I did not know where you all had moved
I had no address just the name of the village I knew,
I reached the village yet I felt lost and confused
I went straight to the biggest temple and hoped mother you would come soon
I saw you walk by wearing the saffron sari, I ran and hugged you
As you stood there in fear and silence
You held me tight and questioned my arrival
You warned me never to come back again!
For you lived in slums, no more mansions and carriages driven by bulls.
You said you did not come to fetch me
For you did not want me to be a part of this scum
You lived among drunkards and lowlifes
Not a place where a fifteen year old girl could survive,
Yet I remained stubborn and firm
You let me stay for a term.
I once again felt like a part of me was alive again
All my brothers and sisters came to visit
I felt like the six year old
Just that now we were in a one room shelter
That was the only twist.
You made me understand why I needed to go back
I had to finish my education, I had to goon
This ordeal you said will come to an end soon
I needed to will on and forge through.
And as I said goodbye to you once again
I realized how cruel life has been to us
She stole from me not just my family but also my childhood,
Sometimes happy memories aren’t enough
They seem insufficient to pull you through the disappointments and heartaches
I was too little to even have enough of them to hold on to
Fate gave us a momentary chance at happiness
And now she bestows on us a lifetime of debt.
I pray mother that soon we shall be united again
That a better life awaits us
Far away from all this gloom
A few more steps mother
I promise to walk with you.
